A time to grieve

This is a more difficult blog for me. I try not to get too personal on my blog, but sometimes more than a general synopsis is needed. I had found out that my cousin had passed away. Although I was not very close to him, he was my cousin. I would see him at Holidays and reunions. We lived in different towns, ran in different circles, and he was a few years older than me. I knew I needed to go and pay my Aunt Lois (his mother) a visit. I usually do not do well in these situations. I find myself stumbling over the right words to say. I try to just laugh through life. I deal with most everything in my life through humor, I think its the best way not only to heal, but to live. Now I am not talking about doing a stand up routine in my aunt's living room, but rather, keeping the conversation light. I will have to say, it was a very powerful visit for me today. I was worried about my aunt, and I need not be. She is a rock, and I stand in awe. I was so impressed by her strength through such a dark time, that it made me stop in my tracks and really see her. That might sound ridiculous, but I am the one telling the story, so deal. lol There has been a lot of drama between me and a number of my other aunts for host of stupid reasons I will not go into, I forgot, my entire family is not out to get me. Wow, that sounds paranoid. Anyway, our family dynamic is too complicated to go into, but Aunt Lois is the shit. She has always been there for me in some capacity. Its funny how the death of a family member makes you really look at yourself and others. Aunt Lois has always given me respect, and always reminded me to laugh, for that I am truly grateful. I would love to be able to create a place in her gardens, that she could retreat to, when the world seems to be caving in. A spot to relax, be tranquil, reflect, remember, and most importantly, to laugh. I love you Aunt Lois and my heart goes out to you and your entire family.